Comment posted Do Early Marriages Last Longer? by spiffymo.
In our society divorce isn’t as frowned upon as much as it used to be. Instead of really trying to solve the problems in a constructive manner , people give up. However, somtimes you can’t help solve the problem when the other party isn’t willing to fix it as well. Commitment is taken so lighty now, it’s sad.
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spiffymo also commented
- because people used to believe in the sanctity of marriage and worked at it no matter what. now, people are too self centered to be good mates or parents. sad
References : - That is a good question Sunshine!! I wondered that too! =)
References : - People back in the day weren’t always happy they just dealt with each other. Divorce was considered a bad thing so it wasn’t as common.
References : - Because people 50 years ago did not have as many or the same type of society or stressors back then as there is today. Society has changed from those days of low unemployment and high economic development to high rates of unemployment and slowed economic development that place more pressure on individuals to survive in this world.
Furthermore, 50 years ago, the family was much closer than they are today, thus relations were a much better support system for a majority of married couples than of those of today.
Also, individuals who married back then believed in working on their marriage instead of taking the easy way out and divorcing when the first opportunity arose. People these days are more selfish and will only stick around when things are going good.
We currently live in a generation of instant self gratification where most individuals will divorce over trivial things such as "my spouse gained weight since we got married" or petty jealousies that may arise.
References : - its simple back in the 1950 the word divorce was a dirty word people just didn’t do it no matter what because the community would look on at both in shame. back then matters were more private too even if a couple despised each other behind doors in public they were the perfect couple.
times have changed drastically the 1950’s men were raised and expected to be providers they were told this is what you need to do in life is to get a good job at the bank and find a beautiful woman buy a house and have children the woman cooked cleaned and had diner on the table when he came home.
these days the average man doesn’t know what he wants to do with his life but knows he will do something. it takes a lil while for them to figure it out. and women have became more independent going to college and becoming doctors and lawyers. the provider and care giver idea went out the window. men arnt sure if they want to get married and women have realised that they don’t need a man in there life to bring home the doe.
people don’t have patients like they used too and they just do not think thoroughly about what they are doing in life and wind up marring to fast and not thinking it thorough and do not want to waste all of there lives being unhappy relationships just are not as strong as they used to be.
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Recent comments by spiffymo
- how to improve interpersonal communication skills? any good books about it?
Couple of interesting books are:The Quick and Easy Way to Effective Speaking
http://www.booksvariety.com/the-quick-and-easy-way-to-effective-speaking
How to Win Friends & Influence People
http://www.booksvariety.com/how-to-win-friends-influence-people
Socialnomics: How social media transforms the way we live and do business
http://www.booksvariety.com/socialnomics-how-social-media-transforms-the-way-we-live-and-do-business
How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships
http://www.booksvariety.com/how-to-talk-to-anyone-92-little-tricks-for-big-success-in-relationships
All the best
References : - how to improve interpersonal communication skills? any good books about it?
Why don’t the other one think of something to say ? Maybe there is really nothing to say so it is not your problem and the other one understands it too . If there is any talk it will come naturally without you worrying about what to say .
References : - how to improve interpersonal communication skills? any good books about it?
family differences works
References : - How do men and women differ in how they deal with conflict?
As a woman I have found most men deal with conflict (meaning disagreement) by avoiding or passive aggressive tactics (IE: not picking up, forgetting to stop at the store, watching tv when chores need done). Most women want to talk it out to the nth degree. It is important to me as a woman that I feel that the man cares for me and my emotional needs. My conflict is usually about resolving the issue and feeling good about it. For a man (ie: my husband) he was to resolve the issue so we can just stop talking about it. He tends to solve it and perhaps resent the decision because it wasn’t a good solution, just a quick one.
References : - How do men and women differ in how they deal with conflict?
thats kind of a broad question. i am a 35 year old male… conflict w/ same sex or opposite? verbal or physical?
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Why is it that marriages lasted longer in the past?
It seems as if marriages lasted longer in the past no matter what was going on, cheating yelling, screaming, fighting. I met a woman in her early 60’s who told me her parents used to fight like cats and dogs, dishes flying across the room and everything. Her and her brother used to be terrified, but her parents stayed together till the end.
But roseandron, dishes flying across the room, could not be good for the children???
Divorce 50 years ago was greatly frowned on.
Women who were divorced were often shunned like lepers.
Today, divorces are easier to obtain and no longer carry the negative stigma of the past.
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That is a lie told by the media to make you feel inferior to how it "used to be."
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People didn’t live as long as they do now.
People had different expectations.
People had different morals.
etc.
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people stayed together longer simply because they needed each other. now we live in a world of instant gratification and often think we got it all with out the other.
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There is no stigma attached to divorce these days. It’s also pretty easy to get a divorce. People don’t go into marriage thinking forever anymore. Now they just try it out and move on if it gets tough.
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alot more respect.. the women faught for there men and were told to never leave..no matter what…my great grandmother stayed with my grandad and he always had women…now a days us women are learning how to speak out and not take the bad treatment….thats the difference
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Women put up and shut up back then.
And now the scales are all out of balance.
If my partner left me know I could efford the mortgage, bills, childcare etc on my own – so if he cheated or whatever he would be gone – why flog a dead horse. Whereas back in the day generally women had no or little income, so had to try and get over the wrongs and get on with it for the kids.
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partly because people "ignored" lots of problems and stayed married for moral/family/social reasons.
But mostly because we USED to have morality in this country and in regard to our marriages. We used to understand that hard work was part of marriage, AND were willing to do it.
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In our society divorce isn’t as frowned upon as much as it used to be. Instead of really trying to solve the problems in a constructive manner , people give up. However, somtimes you can’t help solve the problem when the other party isn’t willing to fix it as well. Commitment is taken so lighty now, it’s sad.
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Divorce used to be taboo.
And most people stayed together out of convenience, or settling, because of the kids.
I’m sure if those marriages were in the here and now, they’d be divorcing as well.
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people have gotten lazier and more looney because of the bastardisation of our food supply. the food is packed with chemicals and it is ultra refined so that what you actually put into your body is poison that is messing with your mind and body. fast food is messing with their minds too. under all this mental confusion and physical weakness, people arent built to physically and mentally handle stressful situations like back then when it was all organic and natural foods.
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Divorce was made too easy back in the seventies. Now, if it doesn’t meet expectations, just can the whole thing.
I got married with the idea that divorce is not an option. That would cause us to work it out, get help, whatever it takes to stick up for our marriage. If more couples adopted that idea, divorce rates would go even lower.
I was glad to hear that they were once over 50% of marriages ending in divorce, now less than 50%.
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My grandparents separated early on because of my grandpa’s drinking, but they remained married just didn’t live together. They remained friends and he would fix things around her house.
http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art44691.asp
There is an article on this website that is interesting on the subject.
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society has depreciated into a throw-away style of living. if things don’t work you throw them away and get a new one. people in the past had more of a moral sense and comittment than they do now.
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There was a great social stigma associated with divorce…people generally frowned on the notion of breaking up families, and, since most people lived their whole lives in a certain community, they placed a great deal of emphasis on what the neighbors thought. The thing is, interpersonal dynamics were no better then than they are now…in fact, behavior behind closed doors was likely much worse, so no matter how ugly the spectre of divorce may be, it is infinitely more honest and healthy an existence than staying together for the sake of keeping up appearances. Good question.
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Because people were not looking for Instant happiness. Instant gratification and they were willing to work. Today its all about me me me and no one is willing to give. I love my wife, she is giving, considerate and sexy. I wouldnt trade her for the world.
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in that day and age divorce was a dirty word and if you did find the courage to do it you were disowned and shunned. they stuck it out cause they had to. they put on a smiling face and were screaming inside. thats why people were not crazy,homosexual, and if a woman didnt marry she was an old maid. also if a new family was not having children it was always the woman who was infertile not the man. thank god we live in a better time.in our day these are all normal factors but then if you fell into any of those catigories there was something wrong with you
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Because in today’s society people view divorce as acceptable. In the past it was greatly frowned upon, and any who were divorced were socially stigmatized. Today we live in a world full of me first attitudes, and many enter into marriage with the idea that if it doesn’t work out they can always get a divorce. Often people think that divorce is an easy solution to their problems. However it is not always the answer to marriage problems, and often causes a lot of problems. But in some cases, it is advisable (abuse, infidelity). Definitely your children seeing you fighting constantly with dishes flying across the room it not good. However if some effort were put into fixing the marriage problems it would be more beneficial that just immediately getting a divorce when things first start going badly.
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Women have changed, as the times…now women wont tolerate being treated like our moms, aunts..ect.. now it is considered abuse, before it seemed to be a way of life..they were frightened, and maybe relied on the man to provide for the family…now women work outside the house and make it on their own.
Same can be said for child abuse, used to be a normal thing that was kept quiet, now..you spank a kid and you have DHS in your life….it just isnt tolerated anymore.
Things have changed.
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its simple back in the 1950 the word divorce was a dirty word people just didn’t do it no matter what because the community would look on at both in shame. back then matters were more private too even if a couple despised each other behind doors in public they were the perfect couple.
times have changed drastically the 1950’s men were raised and expected to be providers they were told this is what you need to do in life is to get a good job at the bank and find a beautiful woman buy a house and have children the woman cooked cleaned and had diner on the table when he came home.
these days the average man doesn’t know what he wants to do with his life but knows he will do something. it takes a lil while for them to figure it out. and women have became more independent going to college and becoming doctors and lawyers. the provider and care giver idea went out the window. men arnt sure if they want to get married and women have realised that they don’t need a man in there life to bring home the doe.
people don’t have patients like they used too and they just do not think thoroughly about what they are doing in life and wind up marring to fast and not thinking it thorough and do not want to waste all of there lives being unhappy relationships just are not as strong as they used to be.
References :
Because people 50 years ago did not have as many or the same type of society or stressors back then as there is today. Society has changed from those days of low unemployment and high economic development to high rates of unemployment and slowed economic development that place more pressure on individuals to survive in this world.
Furthermore, 50 years ago, the family was much closer than they are today, thus relations were a much better support system for a majority of married couples than of those of today.
Also, individuals who married back then believed in working on their marriage instead of taking the easy way out and divorcing when the first opportunity arose. People these days are more selfish and will only stick around when things are going good.
We currently live in a generation of instant self gratification where most individuals will divorce over trivial things such as "my spouse gained weight since we got married" or petty jealousies that may arise.
References :
People back in the day weren’t always happy they just dealt with each other. Divorce was considered a bad thing so it wasn’t as common.
References :
That is a good question Sunshine!! I wondered that too! =)
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because people used to believe in the sanctity of marriage and worked at it no matter what. now, people are too self centered to be good mates or parents. sad
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I couldn’t agree more with this:-
“For marriages to last longer, both partners need to be equipped with life-coping skills, both intra-personal and interpersonal. They need to know the art of constructive communication and problem-solving. They also need to find personal gratification in vitally fulfilling endeavours other than the relationship, so that both can bring value and joy to the relationship.”
One of the main reasons marriage don’t seem to last as long these days, is because a lot of couples don’t seem to realise that you need to have all these things. That, and the media doesn’t paint a very positive picture of marriage in the 21st century, so rather than stay, face the issues head on and work them out, people will move on. Why? Because it’s easier.