Some times I wonder why anyone ever tries to work out their differences with people. I appears that changing others is nearly impossible and trying to reach a compromise is extremely difficult because the other person is usually convinced that they are right and you are wrong.
I like to watch Dr Phil and I have never seen an example where anyone was really able to change another person so each of them would get along better. Any improvement is temporary and usually one person feels wronged by having to make changes.
Have you ever really been able to talk out an interpersonal personality conflict with a lover or coworker successfully?
You cannot change someone to fit into the mold you want. But, you can change how you react to those people.
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Oh yes, …Just the ones that are open ,and want to talk it out.(as to learn) I found out early in life ,that I cannot make people think as myself, However ,I can help them understand me and why I might think the way I do …AS well as ,how I try to get an understanding on their take….. there are Many ,many ways of
of viewing the matter at hand….
Ms,Kate
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The desire to "change" another person is not only unreasonable but somewhat rude, in my opinion. The message we give to others is that they are "broken" or need "fixing". We want others to change so WE FEEL better about who they are or so our efforts in dealing with them is minimized, making our lives easier or less stressful.
My suggestion is that we can only change ourselves. If the difficult person is someone important in our lives, we can CHOOSE to put forth the effort and count our blessings. If the difficult person is someone who is of little or no consequence in our lives, then our energy is better used on maintaining those relationships with ARE important to us.
Of course, there ARE many successful conflict resolution techniques wihich promote harmony in any relationship. The first one which comes to my mind is when, I am in disagreement with someone on an issue, I can respect my own opinion and say to them.."You know what..you may be right". This tactic is used to diffuse stressful moments when someone else is unable to admit a mistake or consider that anothers ideas may be good, too. I lose nothing by taking this position, even if I believe they are coming from left field because I maintain my own sense of inner peace.
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First, you cannot change people. They may do whatever it is you wanted them to for a while, but if they've felt forced into it they'll likely go back to the way they were and feel resentful.
The key is to change and work on yourself. Since you have no control over what others do, you can only control yourself, your reactions and responses. It's easier said than done. Most of us say someone made us feel a certain way or it's his/her fault, etc. Really, you can choose how you want to feel about something, as far out as that may sound to some. If you feel someone is always trying to be right in a situation, even if you think they're wrong, it sounds like you're thinking you're right too. If someone is doing something you don't like, then whatever it is you think he/she should be doing, you do it. Be the change you wish to see in the world because some might like what you're doing and follow along.
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personal experience.
You cannot change someone to fit into the mold you want. But, you can change how you react to those people.
References :
psych